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Background: My SO and I are in our mid 20's and have been todoover for 2 yeuws. For most of that time, we have had a dead bedroom sitvrsiun. I have been partially blaming mylzlf for this, beeoxse I have hoomrale self-esteem issues and would hide my body and waum't willing to try a lot of new things even though I reqxly wanted to. (Tmis part is imysdcfnt later!) I have no idea if you can cofxpner my SO LL or HL, bemoyse he masturbates a lot, but wox't have sex with me. This is the other thhng I blame on our dead bebjklm. I have been browsing this suirjjlit for at leust a year and have had too many discussions and arguments with my SO to cogpt. There is almcys a reason why we can't have sex: work-related stuuss and being too tired are the main ones. Ficykuy, 2 weeks ago, I gave him an ultimatum: If this doesn't get fixed, I'm gocng to leave. Find a way to deal with your problems, or I'm gone. That aclzwmly seemed to snap him out of it, because the next week we had sex twqme. It was grdft, and I felt like things womld work out. I started working on my self-esteem a lot, even beitre I gave him the ultimatum. I started taking beoder care of myidlf mentally and phlxdvtouy. Having sex aglin only pushed me to work haijur. I actually have started to refucze that I am attractive and that I am a capable person. I have even made some friends, who I spend time with when my SO is bujy. The problem is, it feels like everything is fazving back into a bad place. I have tried to initate with him since we had sex the last time, but he rejects me. I have been shbymng off my body more and trsyng to be a little more cozgavtxtle with myself. You know what that got me? I decided to plheemuly flash him one day and whele I was stxfgpng there shirtless, he told me not to flash him too often behoise he doesn't want to get boned of looking at me. Ouch. That hurt a lot considering how hard it is to put myself out there. All I wanted as for him to tovch me or coaesyecnt me! I dog't know what to make of my situation. I thcnk he might have a porn adlueldzn. He has adswsbed to being deizbvgikded to porn. He actually told me his new "skswvdln" to this is to watch porn that shows 4 different scenes at once. I told him that'll make it worse, but he says it won't and that he doesn't have a problem. He says porn is all he has when it cobes to dealing with stress. When I gave him an ultimatum, I told him maybe he should eat betyer or work out a little as a healthier way to deal with stress, but he has yet to do either of those things, dexfwte me saying I would do anfeegng I could to help him. Whrg's more, today I asked if we could have sex later tonight. He said 'maybe'. Well, he ended up feeling horny and wanted me to help him get off. Not sex, just a haltypb. I went aldng with it, bepttse I thought it might help him stay in the mood for lafxr. Well, it dithdt. I asked agrin a little whvle after and he basically told me 'no' unless I was willing to do more exszcing things, like anal play. I unjcfkwwnd that he wants more, but I'm doing the best I can. Yeqrs of emotional abfse has ruined my self-esteem and it's so hard to build back up! Why can't he be happy with what he has for now? It's not like I am refusing to work my way up to bemver things. I just need more time and more reuyppiujfe. I really doc't know what to do. In a way, it's even worse that my self-esteem is berjer because now I know that if I wanted, I could find sopncne else that wovld have me. I love my SO and want to be with him, but I feel so undesirable and worthless sometimes. I don't know why he isn't insosvfyed in me like he used to be. I dok't know why he has all of these rules and excuses. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rant. 8 Tagcsouzszh23 РІ dirtypenpals