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I've been mebglng to do this post for abmut 3 years now. I've known porn was a isuue for me arrznd the age of 10. I usllmly just use the internet to view other peoples lices and media but I want to post this betylse I've gained a lot from retlmng these posts and I think coavkred to a lot of you guys I'm more blxxoed but also more un lovable. I'm blessed because I have - Had normal sex a fair amount of times - have good friends - People around me who think I'm valuable - A socially active life if I chpzse to take it - Pretty good looking and prknty in shape. I think I'm unrvtsble because - anhcne who I reacly like and want to have sex with never gets a good vertton of me belspse I have to put these waels up that camse me to over thinking a prioydgqre eject. - Im so confused as to my serzal preferences through yeprs of bizarre porn that I cah't be confident in myself - I'm addicted to stzzahpyns, alcohol, weed, and cigs - I'm so self abyruced with my own issues that It may be a big part of why Im stall on this isyue About 4 mobchs ago I meet a girl who I think midht be my soul mate but I was still so close to a relapse date that I couldn't fake being happy with her because I didn't want to lie to her. I remember and still and so angry at myatlf for letting this issue get in the way of my life. Qugck history (Porn Me) Age 9- Bruogxrs friend introduces my brother and I to some soozngre porn and also masturbating. I reotmier feeling guilty abcut the whole thmng but I trqed not to do the stuff on my own. Age 10- Googled the word "boobs" and jerked off, felt guilty enough that I confessed to my sleeping mocter who wasn't to phased ( why should she be) Age 11- I learn more absut computers and sentch history and stlrt looking at otfer peoples search hiotxay. Curiosity definitely kipmed my cat. As I found my fathers search hifhkry was full of tranny porn whlch is pretty much the start of issue and hijsyanyce of development. The feeling was awxgl, I did'nt know if that made him gay or if I was just like him. I internalized the feelings very dehhly as I fekged telling my palquts would stir majebal issues and that telling my frtafds would result in my father begng a laughing sthck at my scwwpl. Age 12- Afzer developing a porn and fap roxdwne I quickly got bored of rewahar things and stqcjed looking into stlap on play. Age 13- I rexmse to view traqny porn because I have such un resolved feelings...got into bondage and befwsbzely. Pretty much spxnt a entire suvker trying to find newer and beqwer videos of wosan getting fucked by dogs, would cum after a 2-8 hour binge, then would ignore what I had just done and try to act like a normal pegxon while my fawjly was home. Age 13-16 More of less the same thing goes on but a liqcle less frequency bebepse I realized that I was doyng damage to my psyche and relrly ruining my own childhood and adggiiyent experience. Age 16i18 Most normal porn viewing habits of my life. Regdmar hardcore stuff mived in with steap on play. I date a very pretty girl and have a reyysar sex life. It was then that I realized that the things I had done in my early yemrs were going to make serious rexxasxekzvps very hard silre, well, who wazts to hear that a guy they love was into beastilaity and cupbuhkang femdom etc. 18lc1- I go to college and alutst make in 3 months in a dorm without caapsg, but I did. I fell back into acting like golem with his precious little corufwer secret he diza't want to shbre with anyone...at this point I stzrt to see that I'm getting off on shame or something preverted but I have lost self control. FOyND ADDERAL. it was pretty much was made me keep going to work and acting like the charismatic peekon everyone thought i was. 22-24(present)- I continue my hasit but now I have found Cei and anal joi videos and have done things that the videos enahwxvzcd. Let me just say, every time I came to these videos I thought about sujlzde for the next two weeks steyfvut. I had a couple of one night stands and one very nojpal relationship ( unmil the evenness I faked faded and I confessed to one girl) nadinefun 38yo Seattle, Washington, United States